STAYED STRONG...DIDN'T CALL HIM

I know it's been a while and I'm not sure if I ever mentioned the little issue that is Mark. Well in case I haven't made myself clear...I'm in love with him. Events transpired several months ago where I felt compelled to finally reveal my feelings. Of course I didn't elaborate to the point of telling him that I loved him but that I liked him. I do have some pride after all. Well since then there have been several times it has come clear to me that he doesn't want to be a part of my life in any shape or form; not even as friends. I have come to accept this as our fate and have begun the process of getting over him. Slowly but surely I will, even if it kills me. Of course I am being overly dramatic as usual but this is the first time in my life that I ever let down my barriers long enough to be smacked in the face with love. I didn't go looking for it. It just slowly and sneakily came to me. One moment I had a slight long time attraction for my buddy and the next moment I found my self making googly eyes at him, my heart was pounding and I was drooling. I found myself thinking about him twenty-four seven. The sound of his name, his voice and seeing him was enough to make me want to do back flips ( of course I wouldn't never attempt this even if I wanted to for fear of my back going out...which it most definitely would) Let me explain why this is weird. I might seem like the romantic type but in truth I'm a romantic realist. I might want and wish for all that but am not delusional enough to believe in all that crap. Plus I put myself in relationship Siberia for most of my twenty six years. Now how I found myself hearing the birds sing, wanting skip in a meadow of daffodils and everything that is Disney (GAG!), I do not know. One minute I was telling myself and everyone else that dating and love was just not for me and the next I found myself hoping that it could actually be possible that the self proclaimed ice queen could have finally melted the ice that she let surround her heart. When I told him how I felt he was at least nice about it and didn't make me feel like a total loser but in his actions he has made it quite clear that he is not comfortable with having me in his life. So here it is, a day after his birthday and I have been able to keep myself from calling or texting him to wish him a happy birthday because even if my friend has told me that even if I did there would be nothing wrong with that, I know that if he didn't respond back I'd be hurt (when did I become so sensitive) and so what if he did... what then. Absolutely nothing. So I'd be wasting my time and that's no help to me in moving on. He doesn't want to be friends then fine I can live with that. I'm not delusional. I know that even trying to stay in his life with some lame excuse to try to contact him won't work. You know that book "He's Just Not That Into You"? Well I don't need to read that to know that he totally and completely isn't. So here I am lamer than lame being happy with my small piece of victory in not having called him. That would just make me seem desperate while just blogging about me not calling him at least just makes me a dork. I'm cool with that.