Life Stuck in Pause

Today is another day of endless nothingness. Meaning absolutely nothing productive or eventful will happen today. Lately and when I say lately I mean for the past several months I have indulged in a whole lot of laziness. With only the occasional events I force myself to join. I have now missed three semesters at school. After the whole medical crisis you would think that would make me want to experience life to its fullest and honestly I really was getting there and somewhere in my road to the new and improved me I lost momentum. Where I lost it I have no clue. How I find it ...well one tip for myself...step one remove ones head out of ones ass and deal with life when it comes. See I have a incredible knack for procrastination and ducking under the covers until all the bad stuff go away. Well sadly in my life that's kind of pointless since I have a lot of that in my life. Usually I deal with it when it comes and sometimes with ability to move through it like a pro. Lately however, especially with my medical bills I've been avoiding it intirely. Pretending it'll all just go away. Not exactly the way to go but it's right now how I function. If you can call it functioning at all. Now the avoidance with that particular responsibility has come to a head. One where its giving me a really bad migraine. Usually procrastination works in my favor, unfortunately this isnt one of those moments where I luckily get through it unscathed. Not only will I probably not go unscathed at this point but I will probably end up paying for it BIG time at the end of all this. CRAP. What worked for me in highschool definitely does NOT work for me in my adulthood. CRAP. You know the saying cant teach an old dog new tricks, I'm not old but you catch my drift... I also have a horrible habit of starting things and then not finishing them. Or I just wait to do it, go to the next thing because I get bored and then go back to it when I really need to. Like when it goes to shit, i.e cleaning my closet. Went in there to try to find my old medical insurance book and while I rumaged through endless junk I lost my balance and landed on one of my organizing shelfs. This of course was one of the cheap cube stack a shelf and thus collapsed squashing my comics which were neatly filed on it. Now I have another little hill of crap that I have to go through among the other little hills that I have yet to go through.

Now lets talk money, my sign being the bull and all ,supposedly is really good with money. Hah what a load of bull. Ok sure I can at times make money suddenly come out of nowhere when I desperately need it and I am really good at saving the change into a jar or in my case a bucket. But my inability to save money not for the lack of trying, makes me want to smash my head against a wall. I create goals like saving for my trip to New York which I finally was able to achieve. But saving for my laptop and motorcycle has been a constant failure on my part since I have been "saving" since highschool. True a lot of that has to do with sudden emergencies and more important things that need to be paid for before I get what I want. But also mostly it has to do with my inability to be thrifty. The impulse buyer in me has become an ugly monster completely taking over my sensibilities. And now that the plain jane has suddenly found that wonderful thing called makeup which to many of you women have been introduced to this thing since birth and have embraced it. I however have been introduced to it many a times but have only truely discovered its addictive creation as of late. Now not only does my geeky spending habits dwindle my cashflow but now my trips to Sephora and Ulta have made it impossible to really get my finances in order. And when I say geeky I mean geeky. Just last week I dropped almost fifty dollars on my comic books. It's just a good thing I dont live in L.A. anymore because my monthly trips to the scifi convention at the Shrine always made me broke.

I'll just give you a run-through on what this geek has wasted her money on. A Luke Skywalker lightsaber, talking Yoda, over a hundred comic books, marvel cards, more than six hundred movies, hockey memorabilia, posters, and loads of other crap. Oh and dont forget my Heffalump stuffed animals and Rainbow Bright dolls. I did say I can be a child at times. I didnt mean just my attitude, I also meant that I like toys and all that other stuff that come with it.